No Answer.....

I think the thing that bothers me the most is that this RSDS/CRPS/PIMA(Pain in my ass) never has a solution or an answer. There is no specific treatment that works all the time and even if you are lucky enough to find something that grants you relief for an extended period of time, even it can become useless. It is a true struggle in the confines of ones own mind and that just adds to the cornucopia of stressors that already tax a overwhelmed system.

You have to battle every waking hour, you have to sacrifice that which you enjoy, that which you love, endure the anger and resentment of your loved ones that don't understand what is wrong, you lose your entire sense of humanity and feel as though you and a house plant are competing for "who's more important to the household" role only to realize that at least the plant filters and produces the air you inhale and exhale.

It is hard to reinvent oneself, to become something you are not accustom to or even remotely familiar with. You have to find solace in the battle, reason in the chaos. You have to define yourself, do not let the world around you define you.

WTF?

Have you ever been blind sided by an event or an action by a person, not an act of violence nor anything along those horrific lines, something much more simple. The notion that someone does not like me has always been a downfall of mine. No matter how tough of an exterior I put on it still hurts the feelings of the scared little child that resides inside my soul.

This feeling hurts when it is a general acquaintance, but it doubly stings when it is a family member that all of a sudden decides they don't like to be around you and would like to cut off contact with you and your family. And the salt gets rubbed in when you have no clue as too WTF led to this change.

Good god almighty....

I have been in some extreme amounts of pain over the past few days and tonight has been on of the worst since the beginning. To make matters worse, I have a cow down, and very few people on hand to help out. It is sad when suicide or selling all your animals and possibly giving up your way of life are your only two viable options.

I really can't continue like this.

Its been awhile.....

So, I have been experimenting with alternative sources of pain relief and have had some success. The only draw backs are morality and legality....I think you catch my drift.

Stress is a killer....

You can always make a bad situation worse. You can make a worse situation horrible. You can make horrible, cataclysmic. There have been many stressors in my life these past few weeks and they seem to have fell one right after the other so there has been no recovery between any. You have to make the time to relax and unwind, or else you end up like I am right now, in pain and ill. I continually deal with stress/pain so any added is a tremendous strain. So it is of even greater importance that I learn to heal thy self. Here is to trying to relax, hope you can too.

It takes some of the smallest things in life to bring joy back into Christmas. My wife works at a great place with amazing people.

How do I....

When you are in constant pain it becomes a loathsome task to tell those around you that the pain you are feeling is interfering with basic activities. I always feel like a giant disappointment to my wife when this happens. I lose a little respect for myself every time.

How can you remain positive when everyone reacts so negative to you? You have to remember that it is not you they are upset with it is the CRPS, but since you and the CRPS are one in the same it is hard to remember that when you are cracking your teeth due to pain.

Remember this not only hurts, it effects your concentration, memory, mood, all aspects of your persona are effected in one way or another. So it is our duty as the sufferer to take a lil bit longer when we respond to our loved ones (I still struggle with this). Take a breath, allow your thoughts and emotions to settle then respond. A lot less hurt feelings and misunderstandings and those important relationships will not bear the weight of an additional strain, cause we all know things can be stressful enough.